We all have fears. Some are rationale. For example, people in that city that had 25 wild animals on the loose last week were afraid to go outside until they were all captured or killed. Some are not. Like the fear I had at the dentist last week.
I needed a root canal. I've had several in my lifetime but my memories of the last one were not good. It wasn't the procedure I feared. It was the test the last dentist used to determine which tooth needed his attention. "I'm going to touch a tooth," he said. "Put your hand up if you feel pain." First tooth he touched, no problem. The second one sent a shooting pain unlike anything I had ever experienced. I actually kicked the light above me.
So I was nervous going into this appointment. I prepared all my strategies. Told myself it was going to be easy and painless. Brought earphones so I could listen to a soothing hypnosis tape I had. Asked the dental assistant about the details (I like to know what's happening). Told myself that even if there was a problem, it would be to step back and observe what worked for me so i could help others. That was the plan.
What I didn't expect was that I would freak out when they put some plastic thing over my mouth to isolate the tooth and protect me from whatever chemicals they were using. It wasn't painful. But I felt like I couldn't breathe. I had them take it off as I gasped for breath, shaking like a leaf. I could breathe, of course, but it had triggered an irrational fear of being trapped, of claustrophia (I blame my brother Joe for this who trapped me in a rug when we were playing as kids!).
Whatever the reason, I told them I couldn't do it that way. Could they try another method? That's when the kindness should have kicked in. I was coldly told that there was no other way, that it would violate medical procedure, that no one would do it for me. Not one word of kindness for someone obviously upset (and embarrassed). I took a few deep breaths, realized that I had to get this done or there would be a toothache soon that would be worse and asked if they would try it again. She put it back on...but this time didn't cover my upper lip. I said I was ok and put my hypnosis tape on to guide me through the comforting journey of imagining I was at my favorite beach. She muttered to her assistant, probably thinking I could hear her, "It's exactly like I had it."
I apologized when I was done although I hadn't been rude, just experiencing an irrational fear. No comment. I got through it with breathing and visualing my favorite beach, using my imagination to sense every detail of that place. It took a bit of courage, a strategy or two and I got out. There was no pain during the procedure and very little after so kudos to them for a good job, medically speaking.
But would it have hurt to be kind? They're in a job where the actually hurt people in the quest to heal them. Kindness should be a given. I believe kindness is worth striving for in all circumstances. Ellen DeGeneres bases her show on kindness. Our immune system gets a boost when we do or observe an act of kindness. Our brains even get a boost of seratonin with kindness.
I like Dr. Wayne Dyer's quote best of all. "Given a choice between being right and kindness, always choose kindness." Let's think about living that way.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Missing the fall foliage I love so much...
This is the strangest fall. There is virtually none of the beautiful foliage New England is known for. No big red tree in my neighbor's back yard that I usually se from my office window. No ribbons of oranges and yellows along the back roads and highways. Just drab brown leaves dropping everywhere.
I miss the color. It's one of my absolutely favorite things about living here. But it's not to be this year. I've heard it's because of hurricane/tropical storm Irene that blew a layer of salty mist onto the leaves. Don't know if that's the reason but I've heard it from so many sources it must be true. I always thought of fall as the gift for having to give up summer...but that gift is different this year...not wrapped as beautifully as usual.
Whatever the reason, I miss it. Made me wonder what else I'd miss if it didn't show up for some reason. We are all so busy, we take of lot of people and things for granted. Maybe we need to pay just a bit more attention - not every minute - who has that kind of time? Pay attention to the people who make us smile, the places we love, the weather, the job, our health, our home. Pay attention and say thanks in whatever way works - a prayer, a thought, a smile.
So thank you foliage for all the great autumn colors over the years. See you next year!
PS...If you're an Oprah fan, she's running a great Life Class every night on creating your best life. Check it out... I'm enjoying reinforcing some of the ideas that are in my Strategies for Success program and always like seeing things a new way!
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
How we can help save a government institution
I'm concerned that many of the things we rely on are slowing disappearing, usually because they're replaced with a technological alternative. I'm not opposed to progress and agree that some things are better served with the newer products.
Take mail. Email has pretty much eliminated most of the mail we used to send. Bills now may arrive online which is great for the environment. But our postal system is struggling...and may not be there when we need it if we all don't do our part to save it.
Yes, I said 'our' part. Not the government's part because these days, we don't need another government solution. It's our country, our postal service. Why not try to save it ourselves? I have an idea which may or may not work (might be better than the alternative now which is for companies to mail out more catalogs).
Send someone a greeting card, thank you card or personal note once a month. Postage per card is 44cents. Card's can be found relatively cheaply or even made at home. Notes are just paper and an envelope. It's not a huge financial burden to most people, although I know some are hurting right now in the pocketbook but this small act multipied by lots of us, it can certainly help. I did a variation of this in 2008 when the economy was first struggling. I made sure I stopped by all my favorite vendors and bought something small. I didn’t want them to not be there when I wanted them so I made sure that I was a small part of keeping them afloat.
Here's why I like this idea:
• Writing a handwritten note shows that you took extra time to make that person feel special and who wouldn’t want that? People save those and cherish them. No one cherishes an email.
• In business, one should always write a thank you note for an interview, for a promotion, for getting a job. But how many actually do? This would give someone this chance to do the right thing. An employer might look at you in a different way if you took the time to say thanks with a card.
• A card sent could be funny, cheer someone up who needs it, shows you care. Moms and grandmas are especially good potential recipients but there’s a whole list of people who would love to be reminded that someone is thinking of them.
• It doesn’t take long or cost much but the feelings that it leaves behind can last a long time
• Research shows that simple acts of kindness not only make the giver feel better but it also does the same for the recipient. Actually raises serotonin in the brain (the feel good chemical) and gives a boost to the immune system
You’ll know that you did your part in trying to save an institution that although slow at times still has great benefits – personal service right to your door. I’d hate for that to disappear replaced by yet another email or Facebook generic “Happy Birthday”.
Let’s pick a day of the month for ‘Save the Postal System Day” – how about the 15th? Go while out on an errand already (saves gas), grab a card and send someone a big surprise. And send this posting to everyone you know. How cool would it be that we the people actually saved the postal system!
PS…no one to send it to? Send it to me at PO Box 356, Barrington, RI 02806 – no junk mail please, just positive notes to make my day!
Take mail. Email has pretty much eliminated most of the mail we used to send. Bills now may arrive online which is great for the environment. But our postal system is struggling...and may not be there when we need it if we all don't do our part to save it.
Yes, I said 'our' part. Not the government's part because these days, we don't need another government solution. It's our country, our postal service. Why not try to save it ourselves? I have an idea which may or may not work (might be better than the alternative now which is for companies to mail out more catalogs).
Send someone a greeting card, thank you card or personal note once a month. Postage per card is 44cents. Card's can be found relatively cheaply or even made at home. Notes are just paper and an envelope. It's not a huge financial burden to most people, although I know some are hurting right now in the pocketbook but this small act multipied by lots of us, it can certainly help. I did a variation of this in 2008 when the economy was first struggling. I made sure I stopped by all my favorite vendors and bought something small. I didn’t want them to not be there when I wanted them so I made sure that I was a small part of keeping them afloat.
Here's why I like this idea:
• Writing a handwritten note shows that you took extra time to make that person feel special and who wouldn’t want that? People save those and cherish them. No one cherishes an email.
• In business, one should always write a thank you note for an interview, for a promotion, for getting a job. But how many actually do? This would give someone this chance to do the right thing. An employer might look at you in a different way if you took the time to say thanks with a card.
• A card sent could be funny, cheer someone up who needs it, shows you care. Moms and grandmas are especially good potential recipients but there’s a whole list of people who would love to be reminded that someone is thinking of them.
• It doesn’t take long or cost much but the feelings that it leaves behind can last a long time
• Research shows that simple acts of kindness not only make the giver feel better but it also does the same for the recipient. Actually raises serotonin in the brain (the feel good chemical) and gives a boost to the immune system
You’ll know that you did your part in trying to save an institution that although slow at times still has great benefits – personal service right to your door. I’d hate for that to disappear replaced by yet another email or Facebook generic “Happy Birthday”.
Let’s pick a day of the month for ‘Save the Postal System Day” – how about the 15th? Go while out on an errand already (saves gas), grab a card and send someone a big surprise. And send this posting to everyone you know. How cool would it be that we the people actually saved the postal system!
PS…no one to send it to? Send it to me at PO Box 356, Barrington, RI 02806 – no junk mail please, just positive notes to make my day!
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Choice - overwhelm vs. simplicity
I don't know about you but every now and then I feel overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by the amount of things that can go wrong in a short period of time, overwhelmed by the onslaught of news (or as I always call it the Top Ten Horrible Things That Happened Yesterday), overwhelmed by all the choices we have for everything.
It used to be simple to buy something. You'd go to the local store and buy it. The end. Now you check every conceivable website. Then you see if the store has a coupon. Then you check Craigslist, EBay and ask everyone. Finally you make the purchase only to find out that it's onsale the next week or that the thing you just bought is obsolete. Whew! Exhausting! And that's just for one thing. We have so many products in our lives now that task gets mulitiped big time!
Even the choices on TV can seem overwhelming - so many channels 24/7 plus On Demand, Netflix, Hulu, YouTube, DvD's and BluRays. All the news shows, the games, the dramas. Who has that much time? Yup,lots of choice. I've tried to DVR my favorites but even working from home, there's not enough time to watch them. Besides who needs another thing on their to-do list?
So my apologies to the writers and actors of some of the promising new shows. As an actor, I appreciate your work but I can't watch. To some of my old favorites (Except anything with Oprah herself, CBS Sunday Morning, and my guilty pleasure, Project Runway - I love to watch people create), I must say goodbye.
21st century, you've given me too many choices and as delightful as many of them are, as grateful as I am for the incredible abundance of our time, I choose to opt for less choice and more simplicity because anything else could mean stress. I choose not to be a slave to the onslaught of media and businesses vying for my attention and dollars.
If I need something, I'll buy it the most logical, convenient place. I will allow a new TV show only if I give another one up. I won't take on a new business idea until I wrap up an old one or at least until it's running on its own online.
Ah...choosing simplicity is soooo nice!
It used to be simple to buy something. You'd go to the local store and buy it. The end. Now you check every conceivable website. Then you see if the store has a coupon. Then you check Craigslist, EBay and ask everyone. Finally you make the purchase only to find out that it's onsale the next week or that the thing you just bought is obsolete. Whew! Exhausting! And that's just for one thing. We have so many products in our lives now that task gets mulitiped big time!
Even the choices on TV can seem overwhelming - so many channels 24/7 plus On Demand, Netflix, Hulu, YouTube, DvD's and BluRays. All the news shows, the games, the dramas. Who has that much time? Yup,lots of choice. I've tried to DVR my favorites but even working from home, there's not enough time to watch them. Besides who needs another thing on their to-do list?
So my apologies to the writers and actors of some of the promising new shows. As an actor, I appreciate your work but I can't watch. To some of my old favorites (Except anything with Oprah herself, CBS Sunday Morning, and my guilty pleasure, Project Runway - I love to watch people create), I must say goodbye.
21st century, you've given me too many choices and as delightful as many of them are, as grateful as I am for the incredible abundance of our time, I choose to opt for less choice and more simplicity because anything else could mean stress. I choose not to be a slave to the onslaught of media and businesses vying for my attention and dollars.
If I need something, I'll buy it the most logical, convenient place. I will allow a new TV show only if I give another one up. I won't take on a new business idea until I wrap up an old one or at least until it's running on its own online.
Ah...choosing simplicity is soooo nice!
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