I’m sure it’s not an earth shaking revelation that I don’t want to leave. I mean who wouldn’t want to stay on vacation longer? So how to tear myself away? First of all, stop thinking about what I’m missing and start tuning in to what’s going on around me in the present. I love hearing some Rhode Island accents on the plane, seeing a few Red Sox baseball caps, and hearing people talk about familiar locations. I’m focused on those things right now with a smile on my face despite leaving behind great friends, beautiful warm weather, and a simple little place on the beach. It’s part of my strategy for how to leave – a vacation, a home, a job, even a person.
So using my vacation as the model, I’d like to share Leaving Strategy. It has two parts and they’re based on these ideas that have reappeared many times in my research:
• our feelings are based on our thoughts
• we can choose our thoughts if we decide to become conscious of them
• we tend to get more of what we focus on
Part 1: What didn’t I like about my vacation?
As my time there was coming to a close, I began to deliberately ‘notice’ the things that I wasn’t crazy about - things like stop lights that lasted 5 minutes, a long distance to even the simplest errand, no dishwasher, no DVR for catching my favorite shows and the fact that the weather was starting to become humid, not my favorite. Granted these are all minor things. I can’t even call them inconveniences because I’m incredibly lucky to be able to go there but it’s part of the strategy, so bear with me please.
Part 2: What did I miss from home?
Along with the amenities listed above, I missed my family and friends, the spring that was about to blossom, my comfortable bed, laundry in my house rather than having to ‘fight’ to get the shared washers and dryers, having everything at my fingertips. I wasn’t homesick yet but by thinking of what I missed made home seem more appealing.
The closer the time to leave came, the greater the focus on the two parts. Goodbye humidity, goodbye to the swarm of love-bugs that I knew were coming the next week, goodbye Florida traffic….hello home!
I recommended this same strategy to my cousin a few years ago when she was leaving a house that she brought her children up in to go to a wonderful new one on a lake. She knew the new house was much better than the old monstrosity she lived in but it deserved a send off. I suggested that she make of list of all the reasons she was glad to leave – the horrible stairs, the kitchen from another century (not the 20th even), the single bathroom. I also suggested that she gather her family members on a farewell tour of each room where they could share memories of what transpired there over the years and say a final goodbye.
When they moved into the new house, I suggested they have a welcoming ceremony where they got to focus on all the great new features this house had and where everyone could dream out loud about what their new life would be like.
We can follow the same strategy as we leave a job or leave a relationship that’s not really right for us. It’s all about what we choose to think about. If I sit here and watch it rain outside, I can let my thoughts go back to that sunny beach with regret or I can look at the beautiful flowers blooming outside my window that only show up this time of year with the color of spring green that Florida never has.
And while leaving isn’t easy, it’s something we all have to do at some time. With a strategy at hand, at least the leaving becomes more manageable for all involved giving us the tools to embrace whatever comes next.
