Enough...

This all takes me back to 1999 when I was a classroom teacher and the tragedy of Columbine.  I felt the same heartbreaking sadness and wonder about what we could do as a society back then.  I remember taking a pen and paper and furiously writing down all the things I had been learning that I thought teens needed so that something like this would never happen again.  I wasn't sure what to do with those ideas other than to weave them into my regular lessons when possible.  But I knew it wasn't enough.  So many kids felt disconnected for so many reasons. But who’s going to listen to a classroom teacher?

A year later, one of my former students hanged himself after being bullied.  I had had enough.  I had to take action.  I ended up creating a program for my school called Strategies for Success because of these 2 tragedies to help our kids not only survive but thrive.  It worked more than I could have even imagined, helping kids find their place in the world, helping them feel connected and valued for who they were.  It’s still running all these years later…in my school and a few others around the country.  But it – or something like it - needs to be in more schools. 

I don’t know if it would have prevented this horrific event but I do believe that it’s needed now more than ever.  The program has won multiple awards both locally and nationally because teens love it and are designing the kinds of lives they want and that we want most for them.  While no one program or law can prevent every tragedy, maybe it’s time those of us who have found workable solutions to help kids got a chance to share what we know. 

Haven’t we had enough?  I’m hoping this time someone will listen to this high school teacher because we need to listen to everyone who has a workable plan. I don't know who reads this blog but if you've had enough, I can help you get this program in a school.  Email me at Marianne@MarianneDouglas.com

As Nelson Mandela said, “We owe our children – the most vulnerable of citizens in our society – a life free of violence and fear.”

Cheering myself up with strategies...

I've had a challenging few weeks, well few months actually.  I've had a hospital visit, toxic house, 4 iPhones, 4 non working printers.  I switched my business around this year from trying to get my Strategies for Success program into high schools across the country which I'd been working on for 6 years to offering seminars.  Same material as in my success program but now for businesses and for my own public seminars.  New marketing, new challenges. 

Tonight was supposed to be the holiday version of my Power of Positivity seminar - full of strategies that everyone needs and claims they want.  Despite my first venture into radio advertising, only 6 people signed up.  Not sure what this all means - are people not interested in being positive?  Is it the time of year?  Are they interested in my seminars at all?  I'll have to dig deeply to find that answer.

Well wasn't that fun to read!  Why did I share this?  Because everyone - except for the people who know me really well - think I'm positive all the time.  I'm not.  I slump just like everyone else.  I occasionally get overcome by negativity - shorter days, cold weather, negative election, all the challenges I listed above.  It's probably why I started learning all of these strategies so long ago - to not only figure myself out but to find solutions to the times when life feels a bit overwhelming.

But that's the good news.  There are strategies...and they work.  I know.  I used about 10 of them the past few days.  And I feel remarkably better.  Like what? I work from home.  Today I took my work out - to Panera.  There I met a mom who was dealing with her son who had a traumatic brain injury from a car accident.  My problems were nothing in comparison to what they were dealing with.  I was able to shift the focus from me to helping her in some small way - by listening.  Strategy #1 - help someone, anyone.

From there I went to the location of my seminar just in case anyone showed up.  I planned to give free CD's from my CD of the Month collection to anyone who made the effort to show up.  Two women did.  I found them in the restaurant/bar and spent about 40 minutes getting to know them.  Strategy #2 - get out and meet some new people.



My cute new slippers and a poinsettia

I shopped a little - for things I needed.  But I made sure to get something small and inexpensive that would make me happy.  Actually I got two things - a poinsettia and some much needed slippers.  Strategy #3 - know what makes you happy.

I breathed, I focused on what I was grateful for, I watched a Christmas special that got me in a joyous mood.  Bottom line is to know what works for you.  It's ok to feel the sadness, overwhelm, or whatever negative emotion you have.  Tell yourself it's ok for feel it for a bit but that you'll be replacing it with things that make you happy later on.  It's what I did and I'm a different person than I was when I woke up this morning. 

Would you like to learn more strategies?  To date I have two completed audio CD's (or downloadable mp3's) filled with ideas to help improve your life.  One is on goal setting and other is full of my positivity tips.  Check them out at:  http://www.MarianneDouglas.com/audio.htm   Or come to one of my seminars.  I'm not giving up...

Happy days!

Strategies for a lovely Thanksgiving...

Thanksgiving is upon us and I wanted to share with you some of my favorite tips for sailing through it with as little stress as possible.

As much as we love our families, time spent together in the holiday rush can have its share of stressful problems.  We know our relatives so well. They know what buttons to push to make us crazy, just as we know theirs.  So how best to get through the day?

1. Remember not to be looking for reasons to be offended.  Often a comment made off the cuff hits a little too close to home.  Most likely the person was not looking to offend us.  Even if they were, taking offense raises our blood pressure and leaves them untouched.  Unless we choose to escalate the whole situation.  Is that really how we want to remember the holiday?

2. Focus on what's good about the day, what you're grateful for.  Stress and negativity cannot live in your brain at the same time as gratitude.  Anytime something begins to make you unhappy, find
something, anything that you're grateful for.  And with all that happened with Superstorm Sandy
this past month, so many of us have much to be grateful for.  Remember my favorite Wayne Dyer
quote, "When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."  Works with cranky relatives too!

3. We humans tend to imagine things either much worse or much better than they actually turn out
to be. Decide in advance it's going to be fine regard less of what it may have been like in previous years. 

Whatever your Thanksgiving is like, remember it's only a day or maybe even a few hours.  We can get through it...if we do our part to bring the best of us to the table...   If all else fails, just breathe and wait it out.  The day will be over before you know it!

Marianne

PS... If you'd like a few more strategies to get through the holidays, join me at my next Power of Positivity seminar Wednesday November 28 at 6 pm at the Crowne Plaza in Warwick.  Go to www.SecretsofSuccess101.com for details and to register. 

How to Leave a Great Vacation/House/Job

I’m sure I’m like most of you when I say I hate to leave my favorite vacation spot. I started this article on the plane as it was ready to take off for Rhode Island. I had a great time this trip and really wish I could stay another month. But I must leave. I have no choice because someone else is checking in and it’s no longer mine to have until next Week 16 in April 2013.

I’m sure it’s not an earth shaking revelation that I don’t want to leave. I mean who wouldn’t want to stay on vacation longer? So how to tear myself away? First of all, stop thinking about what I’m missing and start tuning in to what’s going on around me in the present. I love hearing some Rhode Island accents on the plane, seeing a few Red Sox baseball caps, and hearing people talk about familiar locations. I’m focused on those things right now with a smile on my face despite leaving behind great friends, beautiful warm weather, and a simple little place on the beach. It’s part of my strategy for how to leave – a vacation, a home, a job, even a person.

So using my vacation as the model, I’d like to share Leaving Strategy. It has two parts and they’re based on these ideas that have reappeared many times in my research:
• our feelings are based on our thoughts

• we can choose our thoughts if we decide to become conscious of them

• we tend to get more of what we focus on

Part 1: What didn’t I like about my vacation?
As my time there was coming to a close, I began to deliberately ‘notice’ the things that I wasn’t crazy about - things like stop lights that lasted 5 minutes, a long distance to even the simplest errand, no dishwasher, no DVR for catching my favorite shows and the fact that the weather was starting to become humid, not my favorite. Granted these are all minor things. I can’t even call them inconveniences because I’m incredibly lucky to be able to go there but it’s part of the strategy, so bear with me please.

Part 2: What did I miss from home?

Along with the amenities listed above, I missed my family and friends, the spring that was about to blossom, my comfortable bed, laundry in my house rather than having to ‘fight’ to get the shared washers and dryers, having everything at my fingertips. I wasn’t homesick yet but by thinking of what I missed made home seem more appealing.

The closer the time to leave came, the greater the focus on the two parts. Goodbye humidity, goodbye to the swarm of love-bugs that I knew were coming the next week, goodbye Florida traffic….hello home!

I recommended this same strategy to my cousin a few years ago when she was leaving a house that she brought her children up in to go to a wonderful new one on a lake. She knew the new house was much better than the old monstrosity she lived in but it deserved a send off. I suggested that she make of list of all the reasons she was glad to leave – the horrible stairs, the kitchen from another century (not the 20th even), the single bathroom. I also suggested that she gather her family members on a farewell tour of each room where they could share memories of what transpired there over the years and say a final goodbye.

When they moved into the new house, I suggested they have a welcoming ceremony where they got to focus on all the great new features this house had and where everyone could dream out loud about what their new life would be like.

We can follow the same strategy as we leave a job or leave a relationship that’s not really right for us. It’s all about what we choose to think about. If I sit here and watch it rain outside, I can let my thoughts go back to that sunny beach with regret or I can look at the beautiful flowers blooming outside my window that only show up this time of year with the color of spring green that Florida never has.

And while leaving isn’t easy, it’s something we all have to do at some time. With a strategy at hand, at least the leaving becomes more manageable for all involved giving us the tools to embrace whatever comes next.

Should we (and can we?) be optimistic?

Is having a positive attitude worth it or is it all just new-age touchy feely nonsense?  Is optimism a waste of time in the world we’re living in because so much is going wrong in so many areas? 

 As someone who teaches positive strategies to people, you can guess what my opinion is.  My belief is that choosing to be positive can make a huge difference - in personal relationships, home life, work and mostly with ourselves.  I recently set out to find out if this was just an unsubstantiated belief that we Pollyanna types think or if there was research to support my quest for more positivity in our world. 

I started with the seminars I attend for my business.  I’ve been lucky to study with some of the best and brightest success coaches and motivational speakers in the world and they are strong advocates of consciously choosing a positive attitude.  After a couple of days with them and other like-minded attendees, we leave believing pretty much anything is possible – jobs, relationships, happiness, abundance.  Admittedly it’s not easy to sustain that kind of enthusiasm when we get back into the flow of regular life with all its challenges and uncertainties, cranky relatives, and parade of tragedies on the news, but it seems easier with that strengthened positive outlook.

I do know that many people are seeking ways to be more positive.  Check out the latest Alex and Ani bracelets which everyone is sporting and you’ll see that they state “our products are infused with positive energy technology”.  Log on to Pinterest.com and see all the positive and inspirational signs people (me included) have pinned up on their boards.  It seems we are looking for a better way.

Here’s the good news.   I have found that there is indeed research to back up why being positive matters.  According to Jean Chatzky’s book “The Difference”, people who are positive are more resilient, can handle stress better, are better problem solvers, can think more clearly, and have more energy.  Not too bad for just choosing to look at the bright side.  And people who are more resilient have a better ability to overcome the innate negativity we humans seem to carry around.  We’re better able to see the world as it is rather than worse than it is which is how many of us currently see it.

So how to become more positive?

1.       Minimize the amount of time you spend on the news.  With all due respect to the hard work reporters and journalists do, the news tends to be the list of the ten worse things that happened yesterday.  Find your favorite news source, keep informed but don’t believe that what you see on the news is all there is going on in the world.  With seven billion of us on the planet, there’s also a lot of exciting, touching, heart-warming, positive and miraculous things happening too.  In fact, I read that for every negative thing that happens, ten positive ones do.  We just have to take the time to notice them.

2.       Read, listen to, watch some up-lifting material.  I’m a big fan of Oprah Winfrey’s new network OWN. 

3.       Take some of those positive seminars I mentioned.  There are a lot of us out there presenting them.  Find someone you like, go to their seminars, follow them on social media.

4.       Limit the time you spend with negative people and find more positive people to hang around with.  So many great leaders say we become who we spend time with.  If your life is pretty negative, look at who you hang around with. Even more, check out what mindset you’re putting out there.

5.       Start to become more aware of what you’re thinking and saying.  We used to have a ‘Positivity Jar’ in my Strategies for Success classes to help keep negativity in check.  We made an agreement in the beginning of the semester that every time a student said something negative, they had to put a penny in the jar.  Anytime I said something negative, I had to put in a quarter.  With 10 classes each year, we collected enough to donate to the Rhode Island Food Bank.  The result?  A much more positive environment that we all benefited from.

If any of this makes the least bit of sense to you, make a decision right now to up the level of positivity in your life.  Notice the good, the beautiful, the kind.  Wonder about the possibilities, the discoveries, the miracles.  Load up that mental positivity jar and you’ll be more able to handle whatever life throws your way.

Inside - Outside

So how are you doing on your goals so far for this year?  Are your changes coming along the way you want them to?  If yes, congrats!  You're doing something only a few people ever achieve in January. If you're not, then don't beat yourself up.  As Scarlett O'Hara said in Gone with the Wind, "Tomorrow is another day!"  Yup, it's another day, another chance to start.  And once you get going on whatever that goal is - it's amazing to see what else begins to change around you. 

I called this article "Inside - Outside" because a funny thing happens.  When you work on changing some external part of you - the outside - your inside changes as well.  I don't mean your organs or blood vessels although if you're losing weight or working out, those certainly improve.  I mean who you are inside begins to change.  You feel differently about yourself and that improved sense of self begins to reflect on everything you do.  You treat people differently (especially yourself), you change the way you look at things, you start getting other parts of your life in orderr.

When you change some internal behavior, what's outside you begins to change too.  Say you've decided to be more positive or to start keeping track of your money better or to learn something new, that ripples over to the more material parts of your life, the outside as it were. 

I think it's all tied up with self esteem.  You can't help but feel better about yourself when you're doing something to enhance your life especially if it's something you've always wanted to do.  One good change leads to another, snowballing and effecting every little corner of your life.

So take the plunge back to that goal if you've slipped a little or take up a new one that's on your list.  Best to consciously focus on one big goal at a time because that's how willpower and focus work best but don't be surprised if you begin to notice lots of other changes going on - inside and outside!

Are you ruled by rules? Are your holiday lights still up?

Anyone who knows me knows that I'm not a particulary structured person - someone who does a bunch of things all at the same time. I can't tell you how many times I've been asked this past year if I was ADD.  We didn't have that diagnosis when I was a kid so who knows.  If I am, I'm hopefully using it to my advantage because I like to do lots of things at the same time - sort of multi-tasking squared.  Just have to be considerate when other people are around so it doesn't drive them crazy!

I'm also not particularly rule driven.  I don't have to have things a certain way to be happy.  As long as no one is hurt in the process, I'm pretty good about having no rules about things.  For example, I have a pannini maker thanks to the generosity of Oprah.  When my brother was here visiting one time, he asked if would be ok to make sausage in the paninni maker.  Why not?  Of course!  He said others had rules that paninni makers could only be used for making those sandwiches and nothing else.  Huh?  Really?  Why?  Does the pannini genie show up taking your cheese away?  Why do people have so many rules?  Doesn't it make life more stressful?

Like the fact that all holiday lights must be down by New Year's day or January 6th.  Why can't we leave them up all winter?  Sure would brighten up the dullest time of year and the time with the least amount of daylight.  I understand that real trees become fire hazards and must come down but what about artifical indoor trees and outdoor lights?  Can't more people break the rules and leave them on?  I don't think they use up all that much energy and they are so pretty.  Even if I put mine out the day after Thanksgiving, one month is just not enough.

What else do you have rules about?  Do people have to do things your way for you to be happy?  Or can you be happy with less structure?  I'm not saying everyone has to be a free spirit or that we should have no rules  - that would be chaotic.  But how about a little less structure..and a little less stress.. I love living this way.  That way I get to save the tension, the drama, the headaches for the big things in life, the things I can't choose to be flexible about, like losing again to my cousin's daughter in Words with Friends - again!!!

Oh by the way, I'm sitting next to my pretty little sparkly tree.  I think I'l keep it up til Valentine's Day!

Marianne

Welcome to 2012!! Decide...believe...share!

Well it's finally here.  The year that people say the world is going to end.  Really?  How many times have we heard that before?  I've heard these things my whole life and thankfully, they've never happened.  So I'm certainly not going to spend much time fearing that it all comes crashing down next December.  I'm going to have the best year I can possible muster.  Why not?  That makes sense whatever the end of the year brings, right?

I've done step one in my action plan.  Decide.  Decide to make this year what I want rather than what someone else says it's going to be.  After all, there are so many conflicting opinions about what the Mayan calendar ending means.  I've decided that it means one calendar ended and a new one begins.  Our 2011 calendar just ended.  And it's followed by 2012.  So theirs ends and a new one begins.  I see it as an even better one than the one before it. I believe that it's what we make it to be.

Which brings me to step two.  Believe.  I love that word.  I have it on the back of my Nike sneakers from Oprah.  Believe what you want to believe - not what your parents, society, the media, the Mayans tell you to believe.  See what beliefs work and keep those.  Ditch the ones that don't and replace them with new ones that empower you.  As Dr. Wayne Dyer says - given a choice between two opposite beliefs, neither of which you can be 100% sure is true, pick the one that makes you feel better on a day to day basis.  

And once that's working for you, share what you've learned with those around you so we can elevate our community together.  I believe that 2012 does call for all us all to step and make better choices.  If we want a better world, we each have to do our part because we're all connected in some way.  Even Darwin who is attributed with the concept of survival of the fittest as a core component of man also said that we are hard wired to co-operate and even love each other.  That part got lost in the shuffle but he mentions survival of the fittest a few times and love close to 100 times...

So join me in my action plan for 2012 - Decide to make this your year, Believe that you can and that you either have or will find the tools to do so and my step three, Share.  Share what you know, share the cooperation, the love, the kindness.  And one year from now, we'll be looking back at 2012 from our January 2013 comfortable chairs.

If you can, join me as I share the strategies for a great 2012 on January 10th at 7 pm for a free one hour teleseminar.  Learn more at www.MarianneDouglas.com/seminars.htm.  And Happy New Year!

Marianne