A Bully Free New Year

We’re one week into the New Year, one week past making those resolutions that most of us don’t keep for a variety of reasons. We quit making whatever changes we’re looking to make too soon (Research shows that it takes twenty-one to twenty-eight days to build or break a habit) or we take on something we think we need to change but actually don’t want to change. Keeping resolutions is just not that easy.

One resolution that I hope many people will make this year despite the fact that we’re already past New Year’s Eve is to make 2011 a bully-free year. What? You’re not a bully! Or are you without even realizing it? Some of us are and we’re setting a very bad example around people who need it the most – our kids.

I’ve been working with teens most of my life and as any parent or teacher will tell you, kids don’t do what we say, they do what we do. And many of us haven’t been the best of role models lately.

Think of the recent election. Politicians on both sides of the aisle spent their advertising dollars berating their opponent incessantly. Yes, I’ve heard the argument that playing nice doesn’t win an election. But our children are watching and modeling what they see. All we have to do is notice the prevalence of bullying lately to see that they’re exhibiting those same behaviors – often with catastrophic results.

We as adults realize that the political rhetoric is all part of the game, disturbing as it is at times. But teens, whose brains don’t fully develop until they’re 21, aren’t as capable of deciphering what’s real and what’s done for effect.

Which brings me to the TV, movies and video games in their lives. Over the years these media forms have become more outrageous catering to the weakest part of humanity. I read a statistic in doing research this past year that said by the age of 12, children will have been exposed to 12,000 simulated murders. By age 21, they will have seen over a million commercials.

We can’t change what’s shown but we can choose what we watch especially in front of our kids. We also need to be aware of what they’re watching so we can at least discuss the content, helping them to realize that just because something’s on TV or the internet, it doesn’t have to be fact. It also isn’t a true picture of who we are as humans. We’re much more than the news (News? Or the sharing of the ten worst things that happened yesterday?) and reality shows indicate. In recent research, I found the statistic that for every negative event that happens, ten positive ones do. But no one hears about them.

And then there’s our behavior. Cursed at a driver lately? Said something unnecessarily rude to a family member? Yelled at the TV? We’re human, of course, and there are times when we all just lose it. But if it’s the way we spend a majority of our time, if we walk around being offended all the time by everyone and everything like we’re the center of the universe, then we’re setting an example for kids that is leading to bullying and worse. (In the time between writing this on paper and typing it today, a young man shot at a congresswoman in Arizona and in the process killed innocent bystanders and injured many more.)

Let’s make a new habit, set a new resolution for 2011. If we all do our part and make even a small positive change, it will begin to ripple throughout our society and give our kids a chance. It can be done. I saw it happen in a public high school where it started with one class and spread throughout the school and community.

Given a choice between negativity, choose a kinder response instead. Go back to the Golden Rule of ‘do unto others as you would have them do unto you’. Dr. Wayne Dyer who is often seen on PBS with his wonderfully positive programs says that we actually get an increase of serotonin, the feel good hormone, every time we do a kindness for someone. We also get a boost to our immune system, not a bad thing for these winter months. The great news is that research shows that whoever receives the kindness gets the same benefit as well and….I love this part…anyone who witnesses that act. Talk about win-win!

Our kids are watching, listening, and mirroring what we do. I’ve heard several times that this is the first generation that doesn’t expect life to be better than their parents. They’re dealing with a world we created for them. The amazing thing is that when teens are given the opportunity to do good, to see a positive path in their lives, they embrace it. I’ve seen it happen over and over again. Don’t we owe them that chance?

Let’s make 2011 the beginning of a better life for America’s kids. Let’s have a happy, healthy, bullying-free new year!