Step away from the negativity!

There's been a lot going on in the world lately that is extremely negative. It's easy to succumb to watching the news constantly, wondering what's going to happen next, and worrying for the safety of yourself and those you love. In reality there have always been times like this. The difference is the news is now 24/7 and it's hard to step away from it even for a few minutes. But as the quote says from many years ago, "If we do that, then the terrorists win."

Any time we spend more time in the negative than in the positive we're letting that part of our life win. The good news is we always, always have a choice about where to direct our thoughts. The more we can focus on all the wonderful things happening around us as well, the better our life will be, the better our health will be, and the more joy we will bring into the world.  And the world could always use more of that.

Granted, it takes practice to step away when there's so much negativity to be had. For me the first step was to make the decision not to watch the news. I don't need to know about a murder somewhere else, I don't need to know about something fearful happening, and I certainly don't need to watch any more commercials about prescriptions that have side effects that are worse than the disease they  are created for. If something happens I need to know, I'll hear about it. Other than that, there's no need to watch any of it. The networks have to fill their time. I don't have to fill my brain.

The next step is to catch myself when I'm going in a negative direction with my thoughts. As soon as I do catch myself, I immediately asked myself a really good question. Because as soon as you ask a question you redirect your brain. Great questions that I used to use with my Strategies for Success students include:

• what's good about this?

• what made me smile today? 

• what am I grateful for?

As soon as I start coming up with the answers to one of those questions, I begin to feel better. It's not an instantaneous cure especially if I've spent a lot of time in  negativity hell but I soon start to feel better.

Best thing to do? Start the day positive-just as I'm doing right this very minute. Have a wonderful day!

I see you!

I just got back from speaking at the Safe Schools Conference at Sacred Heart University in Connecticut sponsored by the National Crime Prevention Council.  My goal was to share how the Strategies for Success program can work in any district because it was created to empower, inspire and educate teens.  But one of the main things I focused on is that we have many lost kids these days, lost for many reasons - bullied, ignored, phubbed (the new term for people not paying attention to someone because they're looking at their phone) and feeling poorly about themselves because of their home life, how they think the rest of the world according to social media posts and many other issues.

The bottom line is that we all need to be seen, to know we matter.  I remember Oprah saying something like this years ago but it really resonated with me as I prepped for this conference.  I looked at all the shooters who committed this horrible tragedies and wondered if they knew they mattered.  Did someone take the time to say, "I see you" and you're worth it or were they among the ignored?

Whatever the reason, I think it's time right now for each of us to tell and show the people in our lives that they matter, that you see and appreciate them.  It's not a job for one person but for each home, each school, each business, each community.  If we reach out and spread that word, then we have a better chance of reaching all those who feel unseen.  All it takes it a simple hello, a thank you, a smile.

Quick story.  I stopped at the highway rest and food stop in Milford, CT.  I wanted to go to Cheeseboy which sounds silly but actually has the nicest people and wonderful food - home made soups and freshly made pannini type sandwiches with of course, cheese.  I handed out a "Thank a Shining Star" card to the woman who waited on me because she was so good at her job and very pleasant.  She was so excited to get it, that she ran back to show her manager.  A few minutes later, he came out, saw me and exclaimed, 'It's you!  I have the card you gave me last year from a different location. You're an angel!  You change lives!"  All for recognizing their kindness, great attitude and good service.

Join me?  Get out there and SEE people!!  They'll love it and so will you!

Make someone's day today

 I'm prepping to speak at a safe schools conference in late October so my ears and eyes have been attuned to what our kids need to feel safe, supported, and empowered. I believe the most important thing is for our kids to know they matter. 

We all need that. To be seen. To be heard. While we may not have been able to stop the tragedies that happened, we may be able to prevent the next one. We can all do our part to let the people in our lives feel heard. And we can choose how we interact with the strangers who cross our path.  

It can be as simple as a smile or a thank you.  A look in the eye versus phubbing which is the new word to describe ignoring or snubbing people by looking at your phone.  

Sound too simplistic? Perhaps... but I know it works because it was part of my work with teens for many years. As a classroom high school math teacher I made a point of greeting or smiling at each student every day. My Strategies for Success classes included a daily high five mainly because it gave everyone a chance to see and be seen by everyone else. Although resistant at first, students learned to love that little touch and never let me skip over it.  For some it was the only positive moment of the day. 

It was important especially in the awkward teen years. Many students have very challenging home lives. Even those teens who seem the most together have doubts about their looks, their worthiness, their place. 

So while everyone debates gun control and mental health issues, how about we all step up and make sure we let those we love know we care. And for those strangers that cross our paths? Chose to be positive rather than indifferent or hostile. You never know what kind of day they're having. Your interaction - positive or negative - might make all the difference in the world.